Portable Alchemy
by Japanese Vampire Babe II
Summary: Ed and Al Elric are on a new mission to find out what in the world fireworks are. A lot of randomness READ!
1. The Begining Or so we think

**Portable Alchemy**

**Written by: Japanese Vampire Babe II**

**Thought by: Dranzer (her brother)**

A/N: Okay I know it's no longer the 4th of July but deal with it. Also, I didn't think this story up, my brother did. I just wrote it and tried to make it sound better then it did before. Oh and for this, try and pretend Edward and Al have never seen fireworks, 'kay?

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Not even the layout of this story, I helped but I didn't make it. Like I said, that all goes to my brother. Except the title, I made that up. Oh and any FMA cast that it looks like we're using? Purely coincidental… really it is… I'm kidding, we don't own them either.

Rated: T (for some swearing (cough cough) did I say that? I meant a hell of a lot of shitty swearing and, uh, world domination? Oh! Don't forget the randomness… Can't forget that)

Pairings: Um… None that I'm aware of… Curse you sibling for keeping me in the dark!

**---- **

Chapter 1: The Beginning… Or so we think

July 3rd

BOOM!

"What the hell was that!"

"Well, what ever it is, pay no attention to it. We need to find that damn stone!" Replied a majorly ticked Edward Elric… (Not to be confused with THE Edward Elric… Their names are the same by pure coincidence… really… NOT!)

SNAP CRACKLE POP! SNAP CRACKLE POP!

"Make those damn Rice Krispy people SHUT UP!"

"Ed? That's not the sound of the Rice Krispy people (Snap/Crackle/Pop Are you doubting us!) it sounds like an explosion. Hey, brother, LOOK!" Al points behind him at the darkened sky.

"Um, Al? Could you move over, you make a better door than a window." Ed looks up, when Al moves, and sees what appears to be a shooting star headed RIGHT TOWARD HIM! "Um, Al? You can move back now…"

BOOM!

Al scratches his back overwhelmed with a sudden urge to act like Elmo (Not to be confused with… okay I'll stop) "HA HA HA that tickles…" And suddenly he starts to vibrate.

"Al, what are you doing? I thought you got over that Tickle Me Elmo when you were a kid."

"What? I played with a Tickle Me Elmo when I was a kid? (Remember people, Al doesn't remember his past)"

"Why the heck are we doing talking about Tickle Me Elmo?"

Still that night…

Ed and Al travel to the train station…

Ed "Dude, where's the train?"

Al "Where's the train, dude?"

Ed "Dude, where's the train?"

Al "Where's the train, dude?"

Ed "Dude, where's the train?"

Al "Where's the train, dude?" (Not to be con… I said I was going to stop didn't I? Well… Screw that idea… 'Fused with the saying from Dude where's my Car?)

Next morning… July 4th

Ed "Dude, there's the train! It was hiding behind um, um, damn! There's nothing for the train to be hiding behind!" Uses alchemy to make a brick wall in front of the train, blasts through wall, and puts ground back to normal, "Dude, the brick wall was hiding it!"

Al "… Whatever you say, dude. Hey! Why do we keep changing the subject! It's supposed to be about portable alchemy, it says so in the title! We're not supposed to be talking about Dude, Where's my Car?, or Tickle Me Elmo… but that was pretty funny though, right? Right? Come on; give me some of your love honey (cough cough) I mean fans!" Applause is heard from inside his stomach.

Ed wrenches open the door that magically appears out of nowhere on his stomach, you know just to be technical, it's a polished wooden door with smooth edges and … as I was saying he wrenches open the door and inside was a whole miniature world of man-eating kittens and Al looks down, "Wow, and it started with only one girl and one guy… hey everyone, do you know how the man-eating kittens had babies? Well you'll never know because I'm not going to tell. (If you really want to know… email me. Dranzer Well my sisters just left so I'll give you a little info… well first the girl rips off the guys… Me NO YOU DON'T! Dranzer Move over! It's there balls! There balls! Me Gross…)

A/N: Well, we changed the subject AGAIN! Oh well… anyway let's get this straight. So far Ed and Al have seen two "exploding things" AKA: fireworks, and then they changed the subject like four times. Technically though, it's not there fault, after all I am writing it. Now we're going to the first chapter that's really about portable alchemy. Or so you think… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Remember kids… don't swallow flies if you intend on swallowing other things to catch what ever you just swallowed. Because you'll eventually swallow a horse and be dead of course. That's what the old lady did who swallowed the fly… we may never know why she swallowed the fly… (sing song voice) Perhaps she'll die!

See? We changed the subject again! That's the end of the chapter folks! See ya next time on Portable Alchemy! I hope to hear from you! REVIEW!


	2. The REAL Begining

**Portable Alchemy**

**Written by: Japanese Vampire Babe II**

**Thought by: Dranzer (her brother)**

A/N: WE'RE BAAAACK! Thanks to Fire Demoness Jaganshi for being the only person to review our story. Anyway, you really don't care what I say here you just want to read the story, am I right? (Man-eating kittens applaud) Okay then let's get this story going!

Disclaimer: As before we own not very much… we don't own FMA but we do own the man-eating kittens. They are our greatest creations…

Rated: T (for swearing, world domination, and randomness! Yay randomness!)

Pairings: None that I'm aware of… though there may be a couple minor things in there to make it funnier…

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Chapter 2: The REAL Beginning

July 4th

Ed and Al board the train after finding a dollar and using alchemy to make more, which as you know is not allowed for alchemists to do but who cares about the rules. This is our story so LOL! Anyway as I was saying, they boarded the train with barely enough money, so they had to sit with the cargo.

When they got to their destination, they just slid open the cargo door and jumped out.

That evening…

After eating fried shrimp… (HAHAHAHA! Just kidding Ed…) they went to a short game of basket ball…and had a small ice cream cone.

After that…

It was getting late and they started seeing/or hearing more explosions in the sky, AKA: fireworks. At one point there were even about 15 going off at one time. Ed and Al had to put a stop to this chaos. They went to where they assumed they were coming from and Ed, trying to fit in wore baggy pants, a jumbo shirt, a top hat, and three medallions. On the other hand Al, was painted green, and had multiple branches sticking out. They went to the other side of the river. Al was being followed by people but Ed was just fitting in.

"Um, Ed? I think they can see through my disguise…"

"Well then… be a tree instead."

Al rips off his twigs and runs to the nearest hallow tree, ripping it out of the ground and putting it on himself. Then the people went away. Then finally, on the other side of the river when an explosion went off, he used alchemy to put brick walls in front of the compartments where fireworks were to protect the citizens of Townsville… (Powerpuff girls' music goes off) Whatever, Ed and Al thought they heard the citizens cheering for them but they were really complaining, but the noise of the man-eating kittens was too great for them to hear the people of Townsville (powerpuff music goes off again)

Ed walks back to Winry's house, while Al wobbles, still in the tree costume. Winry and her grandmother make height adjustments for Ed (since he grew and inch… whoohoo!)

Ed and Al then leave and walk down the street. They see a little kid, about Ed's height, and he has a box. Ed shoots a cord out of his finger (inspector gadget music is playing) and grabs the box. Al uses his magnifying power (inspector gadget music continues) and sees that there are millions of tiny alchemy circles on the back (AKA: Sandpaper… p.s. This is a match box)

Ed and Al go to Roy…

"What the hell do you think you're doing making these portable alchemy boxes!" Ed screams when he gets there.

"They're not portable alchemy… They're called matches." Roy rolls his eyes at the short boy in front of him. "They're very hi-tech; see there's little transmutation circles on the wooden sticks and when you strike them on the back transmutation circles. You get fire. One of my more ingenious plans." Roy snaps his fingers (the man-eating kittens clap their paws)

"Al if you don't start learning how to control those freaks, I'll have to rip them out one by one and use them as the key ingredients for the philosopher stones.

"Oh, but Ed, they're so adorable."

"Al, they're man-eating kittens! The only reason they're not eating you is because you're made of metal."

Al gets a tick mark, "Well, Ed, you're so short a shrimp could beat you up."

Ed has multiple tick marks, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT YOU CAN'T SEE WITHOUT A MAGNIFYING GLASS?"

Al looms over Ed making Ed look very small indeed.

Roy, "You idiots just stop fighting. I need to tell you about my super cool inventions. Have you seen any explosives in the sky lately?"

Ed and Al stop fighting and stare blankly at Roy. Ed and Al looked at each other with grins on their faces. Ed, "Shall we?"

Al, "Indeed we shall."

Roy looks at them with a blank expression on his face, "Oh, shit." Roy desperately tries to escape the wrath of the two brothers and fails miserably. The brothers then proceed to "kick his ass."

Ed, "Now Roy, would you mind telling us all about these "explosions in the sky" you've been making. Since we, undoubtedly have the upper hand." He tells him motioning to the ropes they have tied around him… fire proof rope… The siblings, to be on the safe side, have also taken all his gloves and the spares he keeps in his pockets.

A/N: To find out all about the "explosions in the sky" Tune in next time to the story of… PORTABLE ALCHEMY! Dranzer PLEASE REVIEW! AND ONLY REVIEW GOOD STUFF…

Have a nice day… and if you're not doing anything today like me… have a good one of those too…. TV IS GOOD!


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